Hot on the heels of such musical greats as Mcfly and Busted I will be playing Wembley tomorrow. Impressed? Well don't be. When I say I, what I mean is me and about 7,999 others for tomorrow our Rock Choir will be performing at the Big Sing at Wembley Arena. Not only that but we'll be
making fools of ourselves singing in front of a camera crew from ITV who are making a documentary about the phenomenon that is Rock Choir. Another great idea I didn't have.
For the unitiated, Rock Choir is a no-audition amateur choir or choirs which sings pop, rock and gospel (together with embarrassing dance moves) as opposed to Ave Maria and Faure's Requiem. It started off with one choir in Surrey and now has around 10,000 members around the UK.
Every Monday night our choir leader stands in front of a motley bunch of predominately 'femmes d'un certain age' who hang on his every word, laugh too loudly at his jokes and spend an inordinate amount of time fiddling with their hair while we murder songs from Abba, Marvin Gay and a whole host of other people. Guys, if you want to hit it off with the girls, learn to play the piano.
Our choir is in it's first year so this is our first chance to experience The Big Sing and, if our last rehearsal was anything to go by, we're in for an 'interesting' time. I only joined last term so haven't even sung one of the songs but then, to be honest, I don't think it will make much difference.
We're singing 6 songs ranging from Mamma Mia and Waterloo, so we can get in touch with our inner Agnetha and Annafrid, to Joyful Joyful from Sister Act which we've renamed 'Awful Awful' because we are. Really, truly awful. It's very difficult to sing with lots of key changes and first notes that bear no relation to anything we sang previously. Put this together with our little dance routines and it's a recipe for disaster.
I'm all for no audition choirs but I do think people should at least be able to hold a tune but sadly being tone deaf doesn't seem to put some people off. I had the misfortune to be standing next to someone who not only couldn't sing but danced as it she had been possessed by the ghost of Isadora Duncan. She kept bearing down on me warbling off key ("I can't sing a note in tune, everyone knows I'm hopeless" she giggled) until I found myself standing in the aisle to avoid her overenthusiastic thrusting. Still, at least I managed to avoid her unlike the entire front row which performed a slow motion collision when people struggled with the concept of the people on the left going to the left and the people on the right going to the right. Simple enough, you may think, but not when you are trying to remember your words, your harmony and your moves.
So, tomorrow at 8am, while most self-respecting people will still be tucked up in bed I'll be standing in a car park waiting for a coach to take me to Wembley Arena for my debut. The way Rock Choir is growing, it will be the stadium next year. And at £10 per head even to sing, just imagine the profit.
For your delight and delectation I'm posting a video of Joyful, Joyful from last year's Big Sing. Our version sounds nothing like this.