Like the rest of the country I responded with unbridled joy (sort of) at the news that one of our national treasures was expanding. Not the British Library, not Hadrian's Wall and certainly not the Domesday Book. No, I mean those other national treasures, Starving Spice and Golden Balls. Yes, Brand Beckham are with child again. To be honest, it's a miracle to me that someone as undernourished as she is actually managed to conceive, and she's nearly 36 to boot! What hope that must bring to women everywhere. City high flyers will be turning back their body clocks safe in the knowledge that she has defied the experts who say your ova are dried up and useless well before your 30th birthday. Victoria, who put the Posh in 'too posh to push' will, no doubt be consulting David's diary to arrange a suitable date for delivery. God it's so much easier than Amazon isn't it? You just give them a time and a date and rock up. There's no waiting around all day or paying extra for a Saturday delivery.
After three boys the Boring Beckhams are apparently hoping for a girl, or maybe they'll just do what they did before and give their boy a girl's name in another language. After all, who would know? Surely they won't blight the poor child's life by naming it after the place of conception. 'Mattress', 'Back Seat of Car' and 'Quick Shag in Tom and Katie's wet room' just don't do it. But when you've named your first boy after a New York suburb, your second after a Shakespearean suicide victim and your third after a type of holiday favoured by the elderly ... Oh, sorry, it's Cruz, not Cruise.... what could they possibly call a daughter, should they be lucky enough to have one?
Well, that's where I come in you see. I've found some simply perfect names for the Beckhams to consider and I'm so excited about them that I might just try and track down their PR to make sure they get them. What do you think?
I think there are some real contenders there, don't you? Thanks to The Girl (or should that be The Guuuuuurrrrlllll) for finding this on YouTube. From here on, please just call me Watermelondrea!
Guest post by womagwriter Keith Havers
3 days ago