Monday, January 17, 2011

What's in a name?

Like the rest of the country I responded with unbridled joy (sort of) at the news that one of our national treasures was expanding. Not the British Library, not Hadrian's Wall and certainly not the Domesday Book. No, I mean those other  national treasures, Starving Spice and Golden Balls.  Yes, Brand Beckham are with child again.  To be honest, it's a miracle to me that someone as undernourished as she is actually managed to conceive, and she's nearly 36 to boot! What hope that must bring to women everywhere.  City high flyers will be turning back their body clocks safe in the knowledge that she has defied the experts who say your ova are dried up and useless well before your 30th birthday.  Victoria, who put the Posh in 'too posh to push' will, no doubt be consulting David's diary to arrange a suitable date for delivery. God it's so much easier than Amazon isn't it? You just give them a time and a date and rock up. There's no waiting around all day or paying extra for a Saturday delivery.

After three boys the Boring  Beckhams are apparently hoping for a girl, or maybe they'll just do what they did before and give their boy a girl's name in another language. After all, who would know? Surely they won't blight the poor child's life by naming it after the place of conception.  'Mattress', 'Back Seat of Car' and 'Quick Shag in Tom and Katie's wet room' just don't do it. But when you've named your first boy after a New York suburb, your second after a Shakespearean suicide victim and your third after a type of holiday favoured by the elderly ... Oh, sorry, it's Cruz, not Cruise.... what could they possibly call a daughter, should they be lucky enough to have one?

Well, that's where I come in you see.   I've found some simply perfect names for the Beckhams to consider and I'm so excited about them that I might just try and track down their PR to make sure they get them. What do you think?

I think there are some real contenders there, don't you?  Thanks to The Girl (or should that be The Guuuuuurrrrlllll) for finding this on YouTube. From here on, please just call me Watermelondrea!


Anonymous said...

Excellent! I think I'll go for Elephantisha, one of the few I would be able to pronounce!

I expect Baby Beckham 4 will be a boy - my dad (father of 3 girls) always said it took a man to father a daughter. My doctor (by strange coincidence also the father of 3 girls) agreed with him. I don't think poor David has got it in him.

Lou said...

Hill-air-eeee-us Guuuuuurllllll!


Curry Queen said...

I had to give up at Spongebobeesha! Hilarious! My personal fave is Le-a. Pronounced "Ledasha", of course!

Wylye Girl said...

Alienne, I was torn between Watermelondrea and Fri'chikenisha. I'm with you dad on this one!

Lou, Ruralbonisha...fab! Love Rivercottageiqua xx

CQ, Le-a? WTF! xx

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

I'd like to be called Tramicia from now on (just adding an extra am to my Tricia).

Imagine ordering your baby from Amazon and it getting stuck in a warehouse near Fife for weeks!

Wylye Girl said...

Tramicia! You can be one of my homies now! I think I had one of those Amazon babies, at least, he might as well have got stuck in Fife for the amount of time it took him to arrive!

Steve said...

Is Chavenista taken?

Iota said...

That's hilarious, and I love Ledasha, Curry Queen.

Maybe Amazonia for a girl would be good.

My two youngest were, incidentally, born in Fife. But they were both very late, so maybe they were stuck in that same warehouse.

Wylye Girl said...

No Steve, Chavanista is all yours!

Iota - I think we need to pimp that a bit and make it Amazoniqua. Aha, another late delivery....perhaps we should all put in a joint complaint about waiting times?

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