Thursday, December 8, 2011

What's in a name.... Part Deux

Today, the school published the list of students receiving awards at the end of term awards ceremony. Naturally, The Boy and The Girl are both on the list – well they take after their mother of course! 
But more interesting than reading who won what, is who’s called what. A name is such an important thing and the odd poorly thought out name combination can lead to years of schoolyard-hell as my old friend Valerie Davies found out when she spent her formative years with VD beautifully chain stitched to her PE kit, much to the amusement of her classmates and visiting netball teams.
Another friend’s brother is called Piran, a Cornish name, St Piran being, apparently, the patron saint of tin miners. He said it ruined his life as he spent his entire time listening to people say ‘what?’, then having to spell it, explain its origins and so on. He now calls himself Pete.
Although the huge majority of names on the awards list were perfectly normal it did throw up a few interesting ones, some of which were a reminder of what was on the tv or in the pop charts in the late 80s and early 90s, some of which use a bit of ‘individual’ spelling, one of my pet hates. I mean, why Izzabelle and not Isabel, or Rebekka instead of Rebecca or Aleksandra instead of Alexandra? There was even an Indya for heaven’s sake. The name only has five letters. Is it really necessary to change one?
There were two Summers, one Summer-Louise and one Hollee-Summer (thus incorporating two of my pet hates, misspelling and seasons), three Nikitas (Elton John or the film, take your pick), a smattering of Tiegans (Dr Who) and two Crystals (Dallas maybe? Or Crystal Gayle?). There was one Giverny (I’d like to think Monet’s Garden but more likely the song by Chris Rea) and one Robson (Green maybe? He was pretty big in the 90s).
Our proximity to Wales provided two Anghareds (a name I love to be fair), a Rhydian (most likely not after the former X Factor contestant) and then there’s Deanna with a TRIPLE barrelled surname (possibly veh, veh posh but more likely her mother is unsure of her parentage so is covering all bases). On the ‘I made this up’ front is Taya, Sharra, Kahlan (from the Terry Goodking fantasy series maybe?), Tanisha (clearly from the West Wiltshire ghetto), a Sanchia (although there is a sleb journo called Sanchia too) and my personal favourites, Zoeena and Poppyella! There are the twins, Cima and Rima (why?) a boy called Izzy – not short for anything – Mica-Louise (maybe after Mica Paris who was having a bit of success in the 90s) and Finian (who may or may not have a rainbow).
I’m a lover of some older traditional names but Euphemia is possibly a step too far, Mahalia’s parents were probably left wing hippies who spent too much time bemoaning the departure of the Grateful Dead whilst smoking weed and banging on about human rights and poor Honeysuckle, god, how do you live with a name like that?
For pure chavness there are Sade-Tia (I went to a Sade concert and she was shite), Eboni (who isn’t black) and Siantelle (possibly a chav of welsh origins). To be honest, they could all have doctorates from Oxford but their names will shut more doors than they open.

But my absolute favourite of favourites is Regyqueen. Yes dear reader, I have found someone called Regyqueen but to be fair, he/she has a very foreign sounding surname so I’ll let him/her off.
So, if you are having a baby soon, or know someone who is, tell them that it may seem like a good idea to name your child after a singer/soapstar/reality tv star/season/plant/tree/from the combination of 5 consonants and 3 vowels from last week’s edition of Countdown, but the poor bugger has to carry that around for the rest of their lives and if it makes people groan, assume a poor level of literacy, snigger or just plain laugh out loud, well, it’s just not that fair.


the fly in the web said...

Not in the same league, but, cross culturally I still find it hard to receive e mails from Jesus..
Jesus Mora Monge, who is the official dealing with the water concession!

Sarah said...

That's a really original collection of names. Regyqueen is quite a hit, I must say, wonder if they shorten it to Regy.

I did not embarrass my boys in that way. They have nice traditional names to balance the original surname they got from their dad (that I have thankfully thrown over!).

Carol said...

Congrats to the The Boy and The Girl for getting on the list :-)

I do have to share this story with you...My mate is a community nurse who specialises in supporting women who have just given birth. The last time we were chatting we got onto the topic of names. The child was called....wait for it....Versace...and the surname was McKlatchie. The poor wee bugger is going to have a hell of a time at school...imagine going into a playground in deepest darkest Glasgow and telling them your name is Versace McKlatchie! (I laughed...does that make me a bad person?)

C x

Perpetua said...

Well done, those offspring! Wylye Girl, I totally concur with your horror at the names inflicted on innocent babies. There have been times when I've had to bite my lip to keep from protesting when about to baptise a child with a name which probably sounded attractively exotic or interestingly trendy to the misguided parents, but which was going to make the child's life a misery. Sigh...

Wylye Girl said...

Fly, to be honest I would be suprised if one as venerated as you *wasnt* getting e-mails from Jesus. Hmm, Jesus Mora Monge... just doesn't work in English

Sarah, I shall have to quiz The Boy/Girl when they come home. They've never mentioned Regyqueen suprisingly

Wylye Girl said...

Carol, how lovely to see you back again. I'd lost track of you. Versace on it's own is bad enough, but McKlatchie too. Ouch! Poor child x

Perpetua, I think they should give the clergy the right to say 'sorry mate, but I'm not christening your child with THAT name'!

Steve said...

My best mate at school was John Aaron McCrae. His brother was Jason Andrew and his sister Jean Anne. See a connection? JAM.

Curry Queen said...

As you know, I work in a school and, in September next year, we will be welcoming a girl called Prune (and yes, pronounced like the fruit) and another whose name I can't tell you because it has 15 letters in it and none of us can pronounce it. However, my all time fave is Le-a. Leah? No. Laya? No. It's Ledasha, of course - silly me!

Wylye Girl said...

Steve, my nephew is a 'JAM' too. The Husband is RCJ (arsey J) which is actually quite fitting!

CQ, Prune? Not French is she? Prune, of course, being French for a plum. I knew a Prune in France. Just doesn't have quite the same ring to it does it? Ledasha is a classic!

Suburban Princess said...

I am reading the 44 Scotland Street series and all the children in the class are named Tofu (!!!), Olive, Merlin, Larch lol

I've got one of those names no one here has heard before so I am constantly spelling it, repeating it and the like. I had to call a shop in Scotland last trouble at all! They didn't have to ask how to spell it! Yay!

When my son was born there were a rash of Jaxxxons coming into the well as Hayedens, Braydens, Jaydens...

hausfrau said...

My girls have standard traditional names that don't lend themselves to shortening - Husband and I both use short versions of our names which, of course, means we were called by our hated 'Mummy's cross with me' names at school.
One of my sewing machinists brought in her new baby to show us all (in the 80s), proudly announcing his name as TJ... after TJ Hooker... poor kid!

Wylye Girl said...

Suburban Princess, hello and welcome. Love your blog background. Very festive! Tofu, yikes! I remember when The Girl started nursery there was a lot of Jaydens too. Reminds me of my least favourite Hollywood family, the Smiths. I mean, Will and Willow and Jada and Jayden. Talk about a lack of imagination! I hear a lot of Shanias round here. It kind of works with a Country and Western singer but not some snotnosed toddler in a market town in Wiltshire

Hausfrau, TJ Hooker.. .snarf! It's OK if the child can carry off an 'unusual' name. If TJ is some muscled bound jock then it's not so bad but if he's a weedy kid with glasses he's on a fast track to a lot of bullying IMHO. Still, on the plus side at least it wasn't TEE JAY!

Anonymous said...

All the poor damn counter-culture kids of the '60s who got stuck with Dylan, for example.
I like Old Testament names I have a friend named Elijah, and I think that's brilliant.

Iota said...

Prune? I don't believe it, Curry Queen. Surely Prue, with a typo.

My son has three Braydons in his class, all spelt differently.

The main trend where I live is to use surnames as first names. It's almost impossible to tell which way round most names are, these days. My favourite name is Hampton Shanks (a girl), whose mother I overheard calling her 'Hamps'. Hamps Shanks is not a name destined for greatness.

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