A bit late on this one but then my father has always joked I'll be late for my own funeral. Liz Taylor had it written into her will that she had to arrive fashionably late for her funeral so I'm in good company all of which segues nicely into Kate's latest Listography at Kate Takes 5. What 5 things do you hope that people say about you at your funeral?
Well, amid all the weeping and wailing of the assembled throng I hope people say.......
1. The world will be a poorer place without her
2. That million pound book deal never changed her
3. Isn't that George Clooney at the back? He never got over her you know
4. The Boy is looking well. International Corporate Law must be agreeing with him and look there's The Girl, she's a top investigative journalist you know
5. Isn't it great that thousands of her loyal fans have paid for a wake at the Langham
But what they are most likely to say is......
1. Oh sorry, I thought it was a christening....
2. Did she ever finish that book?
3. There's The Boy with his new wife ..... old but fabulously wealthy , oh, and The Girl too, they must have let her out on a day pass. Celebrity stalking you know....
4. There's The Husband..... poor bastard!
5. Oh well, off down the pub now is it?
And by the way, when the day does come, you're all invited
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21 comments:
Brilliant! Love every word of it. Thanks so much for linking in and you're not late - I'm here all week as they say. x
I like your second "real" version more! I have an idea though. Instead of dying, why not just live and join what sounds like a killer night at the pub? :)
That made me laugh...super!
I don't think I'll have a funeral...I am convinced that I will die alone and be eaten by the dog...
Kate, I seem to have scant grasp of time these days. I thought I was a week late!
Veggie, brilliant. I'll have it written into my funeral instructions that I have to attend the wake. It might be fun to have me stuffed and wheeled in to enjoy all the fun
Fly, you could be one of those stories in the ree tops couldn't you? Or maybe Animal 24/7 from the dog's point of view!
I'll come. Will you be serving sausage rolls?
That had me giggling into my coffee cup, Wylye Girl! Thanks.
When it's my turn, I'm determined to be cremated and, as I slide through the curtains, I want "Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot," to be played. After that, I'm hoping nobody will have very much left to say! PS have emailed you x
I would love to have on my tombstone 'elle s'est fait chier tout le monde' but as I haven't really, I'll probably have to settle for 'loving mother' or something utterly banal like that. :)
I may go out in purple in haze of gin, however...
Have you a date in mind or sommat??? I'm quite busy you know, I'll need to pencil it in so's it doesn't clash with my book tour..... I wish.
Steve, Fantastic! I'll put you on the guest list. There will, of course, be sausage rolls and pork pies with Branston pickle too. How could you miss it?
Perpetua, glad to be of service
Curry Queen, love it! There's nothing like a giggle at a funeral. When my lovely mate Jim was dispatched he had the live version of 'Smoke on the Water' played as they took his coffin out. It starts one of the band saying 'Let's get this devilish show on the road'. We all roared with laughter. It was only a shame that the church wouldn't allow the pyrotechnics he had planned - he was a special effects supervisor
Sarah, on go on, have it! You could also have a headstone with a photo and have something really risque. Just imagine.....!
Lou, err, should we synchronise calendars or something. I have one of those BlackBerry thingies and I can fill in my calendar for years ahead it seems. I got as far as 2124 and got bored!
Very good! I liked both versions. Thanks for giving me a laugh!
Loved it!! ...but I'm sure that when that time comes far out in the future, you will have achieved all of those dreams ;)) x
Hi Linda, well, we can only hope can't we but thanks for the vote of confidence! x
Hi Elaine, thanks for dropping by. I've just been over to yours. Glad to provide a bit of light mid-week amusement
"Smoke on the Water" - great track for a funeral.
PS I've just read your fascinating Telegraph piece. Expatism isn't for everyone; I sometimes wonder why I'm here. Nineteen years so far; I'd envisioned about 3-4 years! I'd like to get back to the UK more often but finances are tight. But I'm not complaining. And we're in Paris. I think I might have gone mad in the countryside where you were!
Dumdad, it was a great funeral, if there is such a thing, even though Jim had killed himself so it was totally unexpected.
The Telegraph piece was titled 'Moving on and Moving Back - why the end of the dream doesn't have to be the end of the world'. The idea was that people shouldn't be afraid to move on if it's not working out. Sadly, the DT's editing turned it into another whine about life in rural France. I've been an expat for almost as many years as I haven't been if that makes sense, all over the world including University in Paris, but rural France was the only place I couldn't settle. Couldn't put my finger on exactly why but I felt like a fish on a bicycle for much of it. It was a intellectual wasteland peopled by feral Brits (my good friends excepted of course) which may seem a bit harsh but that's how it felt. I often wondered if I'd have enjoyed it more if I drank. Seemed to be what got most people through it ;)
Brilliant list - can I steal it? You're a great writer and would love to read that Telegraph piece, I know when I worked in London newspapers I would go into hiding when a piece was published as editing put an edge on it.
Why thank you ALW. Steal away. All my forays into the press are on the left column of my blog underneath my Creative Commons Licence. The edges they put on my writing seem to be rapier sharp!
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