Thursday, February 9, 2012

Fabio Capello, a man of few words .....well 100 at least

.Well, I'm sure you were all saddened to see Fabio resign...No?  Me neither.

In homage to the man who is to the English language what Shakespeare was to Serbo-Croat, here's my blogpost from last year about Ab Fab Fab.........

The British are often chastised for being poor linguists, too lazy to learn another language. It seems this is not just an Anglo-Saxon trend.

I read in The Times today that the totally unintelligible Fabio Capello, he of the pitchside interviews that leave you going 'Huh?', believes his poor grasp of the English language doesn't prevent him from being an effective Manager of the England team.

I guess those who watched the comprehensive drubbing of our pathetic national team in the World Cup might beg to differ but never mind Mr C.

Fab Fab believes that he only needs 100 words in order to be able to communicate with his team. Personally, I'm not sure that the entire team has a vocabulary of more than 100 words combined but perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. The rest he makes up with elaborate hand gestures which generally involve pointing at the goal, jumping up and down and going purple in the face. It's nice to know that he's paid £4 million a year for this.

So, here is my suggestion for the 100 words that he needs to manage the team. Feel free to add your own.

Poor, passing, missed, penalties, bend, it, like, fashion, icon, in, his, own, mind, at, least, superinjunction, sorry, mate, I, schtupped, your, girlfriend, Wayne, Rooney, Shrek, Ashley, oops, gun, went, off, by, accident, never, mind, only, work, experience, offshore, bank, account, not, tax, evasion, avoidance, two, percent, what, is, the, problem,  roasting, young, tarts, drinking, driving, get, off, prison, sentence, failed, World, cup, bid, are, you, blind, ref, team, resembles, Pugh, Pugh (OK, I know I'm repeating myself but I'll give you an extra word at the end), Barney, McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub, clowns, drunken, nightclub, shenanigans, inept, captaincy, tuhbehonest, training, one, hour, each, day, Hello, big, cheque, obscene, chavvy, wedding, Teletubbies, more, talent, my, Hummer, bigger, your Ferrari

Have I missed anything?  Football fans will, no doubt, be delighted to know that each word in Don Capello's small English vocabulary is worth a cool £40,000.

In France I couldn't have got a job as a cleaner without a better grasp of French that the Inarticulate Italian has of English but that seems to be no barrier to success in the UK. Ain't equality a wonderful thing!

Oh Fab, I couldn't have put it better myself!


the fly in the web said...

Don't pass Go?
Do not collect 200 pounds?

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

Genius - I can't improve on that. He'll be set up for the rest of his career with this list.
When are we getting rid of him?

Steve said...

schtupped - that's a new one on me. Does this mean I don't speak proper English?

And as for your list, what about: nob, penile dysfunction, can I shag your wife please?

Sarah said...

Hmm, you left out right, left and centre. Explains a lot.

Lou said...

Have you omitted Rolex, Gucci etc...... But I think you're onto something.... 100 words for: Supermodels, Golf Presenters, Teenagers (maybe too many for this group actually...)It's a book series for sure.

Curry Queen said...

Excellent - I must show this to the boy - he has started a sports blog of his own!

Wylye Girl said...

Fly, yes, those should definitely be included

Trish, 2012 as I understand, not that I give a nun's fart about it being a rugby girl myself!

Wylye Girl said...

Steve, 'schtupped' = shagged. I think it comes from Yiddish but I spent my formative working years in the company of New Yoikers who said it all the time. Who ever thought that blogs could be sooooo informative ;)

Sarah, I think I also left out 'pitch', 'ball' and 'goal'. Perhaps Fab has some handsignals for that... or maybe that's where we are going wrong

Wylye Girl said...

Lou, you could be right. This one could run and run!

CQ, if he needs a football reporter...... probably better to ask someone else!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I like when you're "a bit harsh", it amuses me greatly. As did "Hummmer....bigger...your Ferrari". Well done!

I'll have you know that I do my best in a bi lingual country to not embarrass myself when speaking French but invariably I want to tell someone my car's broken down and wind up accidentally telling them I'm having a mental breakdown instead.

Wylye Girl said...

Veggie, Harsh? Moi? I spent much of my time in France embarrassing myself, in fact, when I think about it I could probably extend that to the whole of my life!

hausfrau said...

Only follow sport to be able to have some sort of 'informed' coversation with Husband.. I'm with Lou, there could be milage in this idea for other areas of employment!

Wylye Girl said...

Hausfrau, my husband, sensibly for him, only follows rugby, mainly because I make him. I think he follows it to have the informaed conversation with me! I think there may well be some legs on this one for other industries. I'll give it some thought

About Last Weekend said...

Brilliant piece! Now I'm going to Youtube him because you've got me hooked. Or maybe I should just stare at his pic for edification. Not to state the obvious (Im living in the US now) but aren't there loads of great Brit coaches without resorting to Fabio. When I lived in Britain I was sooo ignorant about soccer that When I was asked to a couple of articles for Telegraph about World Cup, I wrote about player's hairstyles, sounds like Fabiocurlyboy could give me a run for my money!

Wylye Girl said...

ALW, you would think that we could find a British national to coach our national team wouldn't you but for some reason we put it in the hands of foreign buffoons and philanderers. You'd think that a lesson would have been learned from Sven. Personally, I care not one jot if they all disappear up their own backsides and to be honest, I know sweet FA about footie. I don't know if you ever read my 'Guide to the World Cup'. It was actually copied over from my old blog but here it is in all it's glory if you want a laugh

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