Sunday, January 15, 2012

The one in which I take up Zumba

Well, you know what they say, New Year, new you, so in the spirit of things I decided that now was the right time to start a new exercise routine.  I'm not really one for the gym.  I don't get the point of pounding the rubber on a running machine - all that sweat and you don't even get anywhere - and spinning just mystifies me. Why on earth does anyone want to sit on a static bike, pedal like buggery and pay someone for the privilege. Why not just get on a real, moving bike and pedal through the countryside for free?  Likewise rowing machines. Just get down to a rowing club and do the real thing.

As a former student of the Legat School of Russian Ballet until just shy of my 23rd birthday, I do like to have a bit of a dance so zumba classes seemed like a good bet.  I looked into classes for months but they were always on days or evening when I have other commitments so I was delighted (sort of) to discover almost by accident that the mother of one the The Girl's friends does zumba classes in the next village - and on a night when I am free. (Damn!)   I mentioned it to my friend, neighbour and fellow blogger, A Modern Military Mother, whose brain is so addled by her New Year detox regime that she agreed straight away to be my fellow-in-public-humiliation.

So the allotted evening came and clad in suitable sporty attire (her) and a pair of  'Chav Mum' sweatpants, as my dear children so charmingly call them,  a totally unsuitable top, The Boy's size 11 sports socks and trainers that are a size too small (me) we set off for the Social Club in the next village.

Once we had eventually found the class, I discovered to my horror that it was full of people I knew. That really wasn't in the plan at all.  I don't mind making a tit of myself in front of strangers but shaking my booty in front of people I knew was not what I had planned.  Still, it was too late to back out now.

The warm up started, so far so good.  AMMM and I kept pace quite well, managed not to stand on anyone's toes or knock them off their feet with our exuberant moves and were only slightly out of breath. But then we moved onto the real thing.

The Teacher showed us the moves, which were fine in semi-slow motion but as soon as the music went on and we realised the pace of the dances, all was pretty much lost.  If we finished a sequence of moves facing the right way it was a bonus.  At the end of the first dance AMMM sidled over to me and asked if it was nearly over. We'd managed 15 minutes.  'I need water', she croaked. We looked at each other. Neither of us had even thought to bring any. Fortunately a friend came to the rescue and offered me some of hers. The urge to drain the bottle was nearly overpowering but I sipped it delicately to take the edge off my thirst.

The Teacher showed us the next routine, exhorting us to be 'sexy'. OK to say if you have a pert bum and a body where nothing wobbles, but when shaking your booty looks like a tsunami in slow motion, sexy it isn't!

As the class progressed, so did the complication level of the routines. By now my main concern was not causing anyone else a serious injury and I thanked god that we were in a social club and not an exercise studio with, horror, mirrors.  I could imagine I looked like Beyonce even if the reality was more James Corden.  At one point I caught sight of myself in one of the windows. It wasn't pretty!

To say I checked my watch every few minutes was no exaggeration but we made it to the end.  The Teacher had worked up a slight sheen. I was leaking from every pore and my face was a mottled scarlet colour but, oh my goodness, was it fun! So much fun that we'll be back next week, a bit more prepared but ready to Zumba - and with a good supply of water


This is how I imagine I look....


This is probably nearer the reality!

27 comments:

Suburban Princess said...

Oh I know that feeling, the moment the instructor says 'Ok, now we're really going to get moving!!', and all along I thought it was a taxing workout!

Good for you for going back! I know once you get the routines and steps down it will be a lot easier and you will end up looking good while doing it!

the fly in the web said...

No, no, a thousand times no!
I'd rather die than go through that....

Gail said...

I've heard great things about Zumba but I fear I am too unco-ordinated to give it a go. Even in aerobics, I'm the one who's gone the wrong way in the grapevine.

Sarah said...

I laughed at your workout clothes. I'm at this moment wearing cast-offs from my son - his sports top and trousers, and I have his cycling trousers, age 14 for when I eventually manage to get on the bike.

I can never get to a Zumba class either so I'm doing dance moves on the XBox with Kinect and Dance Central. It's great fun and I can take the bread out of the oven between songs.

Steve said...

I admire you're bravery and resolve. I used to bike ride a lot but haven't done that for years. I keep thinking I ought to start some kind of fitness regime to look after myself but so far it's just clouds in my coffee...

Wylye Girl said...

SP, I long for that day... I yearn for that day!

Wylye Girl said...

Fly, that's what I thought every time the Teacher said 'sexy'!

Wylye Girl said...

Gail, don't let that stop you. I didn't ;-)

Wylye Girl said...

Sarah, did you see the post in December called 'A Stylish Mum, Moi?'. See what I was wearing then. It's no wonder my workout gear was a total fail!

Wylye Girl said...

Steve, mine's a big full fat frothy latte please... no, wait a minute...

Perpetua said...

I've got dicky knees! That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Mind you, it does sound fun for those who aren't falling apart already. When the new svelte you emerges, we want photos, Wylye Girl!

Wylye Girl said...

Perpetua... oh dear, promise me you won't hold your breath! (Actually, I lost 2 stone last year so just another 1.5 to go)

Alienne said...

A friend of mine swears by it, but it is not for me. I got Attila a dance game for the Wii that she has been hinting about recently, so we will try that in the privacy of our living room, knowing we can have a lie down if it gets too much.

projectforty said...

There's quite a zumba-fest going on in North Wiltshire at the moment. We have a fantastic teacher and I find it hilarious to tip up to one of our local village halls mid-morning and find myself and my neighbours giving it some shimmy and salsa in our best trackies! I love the fact you don't have to get on the floor and do all those abysmal crunches. 600 calories an hour if you give it smoe welly!

Modern Military Mother said...

Ricky Martin eat your heart out!!! I loves it......sort of.....

hannah said...

I am afraid - very afraid but hey ho - looking forward to it too in a masochistic way!

Wylye Girl said...

Hi Alienne, good to see you. I swear by it too... for making you look a total prat in public. I've got Wii Fit but I just lie on the sofa and look at it!

Wylye Girl said...

Hi Projectforty, nice to see you. Zumba seems to be spreading almost as fast as Justin Bieber and One Direction but fortunately it's much more enjoyable!

Wylye Girl said...

AMMM, She bangs....her head, her knee, her foot..

Wylye Girl said...

That's the spirit Hannah! I've been out today to buy some more suitable attire... sparkly thong and headress. No, wait, that's you!

hausfrau said...

Well done! I'm afraid I can't face the humiliation -I never got the hang of Step Aerobics, rhythmically or sartorially- and will have to stick to Pilates.

Carol said...

I have bought a Zumba thing for the Wii and plan to give it a go next week! Wish me luck!

C x

Lou said...

Tsunami..... funny girl!

They're starting Tsunami classes at school.... yes, yes I did mean Zumba. Can. You. Imagine?

Any respectability I had, and believe me there is scant after I fell down hockey hill on my first ever day collecting the kids, would be washed away by the sight of me in sparkly lycra and fruit on my head.......

...... no jogging pants pour moi!

Wylye Girl said...

Hausfrau, in the early days of Step Aerobics, I decided in my infinite wisdom to take a class at 7am before work. After two weeks I was asked to leave as the instructor found my green face off putting. Zumba is, at least, a little bit more forgiving

Carol, I'm all for making a prat of yourself in the privacy of your own home, which begs the question, why do I chose to do it in public?

Lou, Competitive Mummy School Zumba? Wow, that is too, too weird. Stay at home and eat biscuits x

Vera said...

Yes well if I was in the Uk, and if I was younger, and if I was near somewhere that held zumba sessions then perhaps I would have a go as well. But.....I am not, so I can't! And thank goodness, because the zumba looks hellishly energetic. However, I did feel my hips starting to do a jiggle while I was watching YouTube vids about the zumba, which I had never heard about before coincidentally, and I can quite understand why it is so popular. So hope you continue to jiggle about zumba-ing, and thanks for introducing me to something knew to watch on YouTube vids!

Curry Queen said...

Lol! I haven't tried Zumba (too lazy) but many of my friends have with mixed reactions. Looking forward to seeing you in your slinky Lycra sometime soon!

Wylye Girl said...

Vera, a lucky escape for you!

CQ, lycra.... er, NO!

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