I think I look pretty good for my age. Most people assume I am a good ten years younger. The Boy's 'Not A Girlfriend' guessed my age at late 30s but then she's at that stage where there not much difference between 30 and 130. She did go up hugely in my estimation though.
When I got home I was looking through the online news on my phone and came across some new research that claims to have found the top 50 signs that you are getting older so I thought I would see how I stacked up against them, so here goes:
1. Feeling stiff. Hmm, well I can't quite do the splits any more and the sudden urges I have to do cartwheels have to be kept in check
2. Groaning when you bend down. Well, I have been occasionally guilty of that one
3. Saying 'In my day'. Oh dear, guilty as charged M'lud. I say it so often that my children say 'If you say 'in my day' once more I'll....(insert torment of choice)'
4. Losing my hair. Is that the same as tearing your hair out? I do a lot of that.
5. You don't know any songs from the Top 10. Well I know all the words to 'Get Lucky' by Daft Punk, probably the only decent thing to come out of France in years, I can sing along to 'La La La' by Naughty Boy and I love Robin Thicke's 'Blurred Lines' so no, that definitely doesn't apply.
6. Getting more hairy (nose, ears, eyebrows, etc). A quick check shows now sign of simian-type fur anywhere it shouldn't be so no, not me
7. Hating noisy pubs. Well, to be honest, I've never liked being in the sort of place where you have to shout to be heard and you spend the evening saying 'yes' to sex in the toilet/class A drugs/buying another round of drinks because you can't hear what anyone is saying.
8. Saying it wasn't like that when I was young. See 3 above
9. Talking a lot about joints/ailments. Did I tell you about this pain in my back.....?
10. Forgetting people's names. Sorry, who were you again?
11. Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than fashion. Well, having given my heels a run out twice in the last month, spending an evening feeling like I've put my feet in a cheese grater, I can safely say that I have chosen fashion over comfort
12. Thinking policement/teachers/doctors look really young. Well I quite enjoy some of the eye candy at the school the Boy and the Girl attend
13. Falling asleep in front of the TV. See my last blogpost
14. Needing an afternoon nap. Chance would be a fine thing!
15. Finding you have no idea what young people are talking about. Well, as I share my life with two young people I think I am quite well versed in what they are talking about
16. Struggling to use technology. Well I did have to get The Girl to show me how to resize my Facebook photos
17. Losing touch with every day technology and tablets. Nope, quite at home on an iPad
18. When you start complaining about more and more things. Did I tell you about the appalling service I got at....
19. Wearing your glasses around your neck. To be honest, if I don't wear them on my nose I walk into walls so no, this isn't me either
20 . Not remembering the name of any modern bands. See 6 above
21. You avoid lifting heavy things due to back concerns. Well who wants to spend a fortnight necking Naproxen and Valium?
22. Complaining about the rubbish on television these days. After my anti-BBC rant the other day I think I'd have to say yes
23. Misplacing your glasses/bag/keys. Does driving 22 miles to work and leaving your laptop at home count?
24. You move from Radio One to Radio Two. What and leave Grimmie behind? Not a chance
25. You start driving slowly. I have a very nippy Golf TDi, what would be the point?
26. Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town. A bored game, more like!
27. Spending money on the home/furniture rather than a night out. Well, the village pub is closed at the moment
28. You talk to colleagues so young they can't remember what an Opal Fruit is. Ha ha! I'm the youngest in my team!
29. Taking slippers to a friends' house. I somehow think they'd prefer a bottle of wine
30. Listening to the Archers. The only Archer I listen to is my friend Lou
31. Falling asleep after one glass of wine. It probably would put me to sleep but mainly because I don't actually drink any more and haven't since about 1995.
32. Never going out without your coat. When I go out without my knickers I'll start to worry!
33. Getting bed socks for Christmas and being genuinely grateful. Do welly socks count?
34. When you can't lose six pounds in two day any more. Hmm, not sure I could ever do that.
35. Gasping for a cup of tea. Well how is that a sign of ageing? I'm British for goodness sake. A nice cup of tea is the panacaea for all ills. I drink many gallons of tea each year in order to keep the good tea farmers of Yorkshire in business
36. Taking a flask of tea or coffee on a day out. As my drink of choice is a one shot skinny latte, then no.
37. Joining the WI. Err, yes, I have actually
38. Taking a keen interest in the garden. Well I'm mainly picking up dog poo. Does that count?
39. Spending more money on face creams/anti-ageing products. And thinking about laser eye surgery and maybe reading adverts for non-surgical facelifts?
40. Taking a keen interest in Antiques Roadshow. Well I wouldn't want to miss discovering that my door stop is a priceless treasure
41. Taking a keen interest in dressing for the weather. As someone who recently went to work in open-toed shoes and a summer top when everyone else was wearing thermal socks and jumpers, maybe not
42. Putting everyday items in the wrong place. There's NOTHING wrong with putting the cat in the dishwasher
43. Obsessive gardening or bird feeding. That would just be encouraging kitty snacks for the murderous cats
44. Really enjoying puzzled and crosswords. What is 21 down?
45. Always driving in the slow lane or under 70 in the middle lane. I think you'll find the latter is a criminal offence now and I'm far more likely to be the one yelling at the idiot hogging the middle lane.
46. Consider going on a 'no children' cruise for a holiday. I would never, ever consider going on a cruise for a holiday anyway, children or no children
47. Your ears are getting bigger. They are NOT!
48. Joining the National Trust. What? At their prices?
49. Drinking sherry. See 31 above
50. Feeling you have the right to tell people exactly what you are thinking even it it isn't polite. Well maybe not polite but usually in their best interest!
So, there you have it. Are you old? Me? Like I said to the lady in the doctors. I'm only 21 really!
|What the f**k is this? Do I look like I have nasal hair?|